I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
