I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
