the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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