I just gift wrapped bread.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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