i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
