Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
