what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
