I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
