every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
