Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
