I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
