by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
