R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
