Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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