It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
