I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
