can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
