Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
