she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
