peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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