Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
