is your mom at the bar?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you didnt know i had herpes?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize