ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
