My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
