You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
