he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
