so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
two words...techno handjob
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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