Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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