Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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