Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
