you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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