Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
