I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
