a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
