Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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