I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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