i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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