I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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