Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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