Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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