someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize