If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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