WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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