I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
