Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All the doctor said was why
I enjoy the company of your penis
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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