i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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