I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
