I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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