the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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