i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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