I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
