Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
