I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
