You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
