Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize