How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
