I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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