Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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