shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
