I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
