Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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