i jhust puked up my retainher.
I faked an abortion last night.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
