There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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