8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize
