Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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