Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
