The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Your dad touched me again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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