Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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