I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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