i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
