And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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