just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
