He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
