he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
